Monday Musings: What King Solomon Wanted Me to Know

This summer a friend and I have decided to read through a few different passages in the Bible. For the month of June we decided to keep it simple and go to the book of Proverbs, there's one for each day so it wasn't hard to remember what we were suppose to read!

I've read through Proverbs many times but this time some things really stuck out to me, which is what this post is all about!

Last summer we got a lot of rain in the month of June, and I mean A LOT. Every time it would rain the floor of our upstairs bathroom would be soaked and the ceiling would continue to drip most of the day. We couldn't figure out where the leak was or how the water was getting in but eventually, the leak was getting bad enough that we called out a roofer to take a look. As it turned out, there were some shingles that were put on backwards, thus trapping the water instead of letting it flow off the roof, the water then made it's way down a pipe, into our fan vent and onto our floor. Once the roof was patched, things were as good as new (other than the pealing paint, cracked drywall and fried van vent)!

So why tell you all about our leaky roof? As I was reading through Proverbs I came across a verse, not once or twice but FIVE times...

“a wife's nagging is a continual dripping of rain” 19:13

“it is better to live on a corner of a housetop than in a house with a quarrelsome wife” 21:9

“it's better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” 21:19

“it's better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife” 25:24

“a continual dripping on a rainy day and a nagging wife are alike, to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand” 27:15

I feel like King Solomon must've really wanted us to pay attention to this, otherwise he'd just needed to mention it once and be done with it. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that this is an area that we as women (especially wives) really struggle with. Not me of course, and I'm sure you don't either!

I was curious, so I looked up the meanings of nagging, quarrelsome and fretful, just to see if by chance there was a picture of me next to any of them!

Nagging:

To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging.

To scold, complain, or find fault constantly

To be a constant source of anxiety or annoyance

Quarrelsome:

Inclined to disagree, belligerent, to dispute angrily

To find fault

To complaining

Fretful:

Inclined to be troubled

Marked by worry and distress

Thankfully there wasn't a picture of me next to these definitions but boy did they hit close to home. Like I said, I'm sure none of you are the nagging wife so I'll just speak from my own experience here... I would like to think that I don't struggle with these things but I will admit that from time to time I can drive my husband to insanity, although he has yet to move his belongings to the corner of the roof.

That leak in the bathroom was seriously annoying, we could hear it dripping during the day if we didn't have the door shut, and I cannot tell you how many times I stepped in a puddle with socks on, talk about a constant source of anxiety.

When I asked Tim “what do you think of the verse “a continual dripping and a nagging wife are the same?”, his response made me laugh “a nagging wife is worse that a continual dripping” he said, “at least you can leave the room that the dripping is in, the wife tends to follow you around the house until she's sure that you heard her.” Now, he said it with a smile on his face, but I'm sure that deep down he was trying to tell me something.

So what's the point? Well, let me share two other verses that struck me:

“an excellent wife is the crown of her husband” 12:4

“an excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” 31:10

I don't know about you, but I would much rather be the crown of my husband than the leak in his roof. How do we go from being the “nagging wife” to the “excellent wife”? If I've learned anything in the 5 years we've been married I've learned that we can't do anything in our own strength. It's only when we ask God to do a work in our hearts (notice I didn't say “ask God to change our spouse so it's easier to be an excellent wife”) that we truly become more like Him and get closer to becoming the excellent wives He designed us to be.

Learning if the Hard Way

I have never been much of a writer, so to put into words what God has been doing in my life over the past month is proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. Bear with me! :)

Those of you who know me well, know that I like to have my ducks in a row, get as much done in a day as I can, do not do well with change and I do not (I repeat DO NOT) enjoy asking for help. So, in April when my back started bothering me I realized I needed to slow down – lesson #1. I figured my body was telling me that this pregnancy was taking it's toll on me a little more than the first three. Then in May when it was getting hard just to get up and down the stairs without crying I figured, okay, I guess chasing three littles and being pregnant is just going to be hard until September.

What I hadn't planned on however was my doctor telling me that I would need to go on modified bed rest – lesson #2. * For those of you who have done the bed rest thing I applaud you* Right away I knew this would present a problem, for one I have three kids 3 years old and under, and secondly, I don't sit around doing nothing very well. After a week of that and my pain only worsening, my doctor figured the pain probably wasn't related to the pregnancy. Bla bla bla, three doctors and a physical therapist later I have a bulging disk, am issued a cane and am signed up for 6 weeks of water therapy at the local senior center!

For those of you moms who are reading this, if someone told you to rest and only be on your feet when necessary how would you respond? EXACTLY! I asked my doctor if he provided child care! :) Now, because I am who I am, I figured, no big deal, I can handle bed rest and my three kiddos – WRONG. Boy did I try though. It took me a full three days before I could choke down my pride and call my mom for help – lesson #3.

That phone call was a little over 6 weeks ago and I am so thankful that God led me to that place. I can honestly say that I have never been put in a more humbling position. Most people are quick to say “sure I can bring a meal” (or watch your kids, or whatever your need may be), but how quick are we to say “I really need help right now.” ?

So what did I learn in all this (am still learning)?

1. I am not, nor will I ever be Super Mom.
2. It is okay to ask for help, it has been good for my kids to see other people helping in our home and it has been good for them to realize that mommy needs their help too.
3. It is okay for the house to not look company ready 100% of the time.
4. My priorities need to change

I really feel like God is showing me through all of this that how I spend my time is what matters most. Am I focusing on things eternal or on the here and now? So often I miss opportunities with my kids because it's “just a minute, let me finish the dishes” or “we'll read a story once we pick up all the toys”. I think about all the chances that I've missed to have those “eternal” moments. In the long run, once this 4^th baby comes, I probably won't have time to make sure the house is spotless before you come over to visit (although I'll try), and the laundry will probably never be caught up completely. It's not to say that taking care of our things isn't important, because it is, but if that's my primary focus, something more important than my back is out of alignment. The jobs He has given me right now need to be my primary focus, and that is being the best wife for Tim, and mommy I can be to my three precious blessings.

So, what's your focus? 

*Stay tuned later in the week for a post all about what we'll be doing for school! (with LOTS of pictures :) )